Most friendships really soar in the big moments. We celebrate, laugh, eat, drink, mourn, and travel through the milestone moments together – we never forget the embraces at the ER, the tinkle of wine glasses in the wedding toast, that message at her funeral, or those transcendent times when Heaven touched earth.
A smaller number of friends come around in life’s agonizing moments, like when we get mugged in a bad neighborhood.
And we turn to a very reduced circle when we do something truly stupid or dangerous. I am grateful for many friends who would pray, counsel, or correct me back to sanity.
But, let’s be honest, we also need the tiny group of those who Brene Brown calls “move a body friends.” Someone else calls them “shovel friends.” They are the ones you call in life’s horrors. Their only response: “I’ll be right over…with my shovel.”
No, I’ve not killed anyone. And my friends (at least, most of them) don’t join criminal behavior. The point here is that we all need a friend (or maybe 2 or 3) whose default position is friendship. In your crisis, they don’t reach for the handrails of reputation, religion, or law; they instinctively and quickly land on the only issue in that moment – a friend in trouble. Those friends will deal with the lesser issues of ethics, morality, a good lawyer, and bail money later.
Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” Sometimes that means to actually die for another. But most often it means to lay down our own self-interests and security. Those are the friends who don’t ask for assurances or collateral; they know you don’t have either. They will take all the risk on themselves. They will show up with what you need, not what they need.
In other words, I think Jesus could have easily said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he show up with a shovel.”
Great one Ed!
Thank you Ed! Friendship is a priceless gift and I’m thankful to have you in my life. Shovel Friends are crucial, aren’t they?!
“Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Prov 18:24, The Message)
Good one, Ed. I find that true friends will sacrifice their time, convenience, comfort, schedule in a time of need. As you and Joann did for me more than once. True friends are the treasures in our lives.
Thanks, Ed. This prompted me to spend a few minutes reflecting on that small circle of friends I would call in crisis; not the friends I would call to ask for prayers, but those I know would grab their shovel and come running.
It also prompted me to spend some time in introspection about whether I am that friend to others.
You never know how many friends you have until you try to remove a stump from your front yard. All of a sudden, everyone who passes your house is a long-lost friend. And while very few have shovels, every single one has a sure-fire method of removing a stump, and they just HAVE to stop and let you in on their secret.
It doesn’t take long to figure two things out:
1) None of them has ever actually TRIED their method – it’s always “Uncle Jack” or “The guy down the road when I was a kid” or someone like that.
2) Their suggested method looks nothing like the one you’re currently attempting.
The third and fourth facts take longer to ascertain:
3) Their method is almost never any better than the one you’re already trying.
4) If they’d just shut up and bring a shovel, that would be the best help possible.
Mike
So very grateful for my shovel friends. Thanks for sharing.
Yes indeed! Excellent Ed. Building bonds of strong, life-long relationships is on my very high daily priority list. So thankful for the many fine friends from our IWI days, like yourself! Thanks for the reminder…getting out my shovel now.
P.S. May I use this for my team leadership meeting next Monday? I’ll gladly give my good “Chinese” friend who lives in Middle Earth Tennessee all the credit!
Great piece.
Friends like these don’t require much maintenance such as 24/7 exposure to one another. They have been formed in shared trials and experiences. They have been marked with a unique brand that identifies them for life. As their lives change with the passage of time or geographical relocation the friendship remains firm. Friendship like this picks up right where it was last experienced even with long passages of time that separates each encounter as though no time has ever passed.
I am mindful pondering on your display of friendship of the following from Romans 8:35:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword”
And also from Romans 8:38-39:
“For I am convinced that neither death or life, neither angels or demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”
Shovel friends are more than just good friends. They allow us to see the unsepaeable love of God for us.
Ed,
Your 3rd paragraph “stupid or dangerous” really hit home. Susan & I have a small group of friends who came around us soon after we had moved to Nashville. And then they stuck with us. Saved our lives.
Thanks, John